The office & desk guide

• The office reality check
• The weekend test
• Fluorescent honesty & the desk-by-window hierarchy (fake plants allowed, we won't tell)
• The office air problem
• 15 scored desk plants, grouped by the light you actually have
• The master scoreboard
• Desk logistics & watering while you're away
• Office politics, the plant custodian & the leaving ritual (the plant comes with you)

I'm not a botanist, and I don't have 150 plants — I keep a windowsill's worth, and I've killed a few learning how (a Calathea in eleven days is how this whole thing started). When something goes wrong I go down the rabbit hole: the studies, the extension-horticulture pages, the 2am forum threads, and every horror story plant people send in on @leafjournal on TikTok. These guides are that mix — hands-on experience checked against the research, cleaned up and told straight. No lab, no sponsorships, no “trust me.” Just what actually keeps a plant alive, so yours isn't the one that learns it the hard way.