Plant red flags
Twenty warning signs to check in the shop, before the till — the five-minute skill that saves you hundreds and keeps spider mites off the shelf you already love.
- · 19-page PDF
- · Print-at-home
- · Personal licence
€15
Field guide · PDF
The plant matchmaker
A matchmaking bureau for humans and houseplants — fill in the honest intake form, read off your code, and meet the one plant that actually fits your window, your week and your cat.
€15incl. VAT
- Instant download — the PDF is yours right after payment
- 30-day money-back: one email to hello@leafjournal.app, refund follows
- Secure checkout via Stripe — card, Apple Pay, Google Pay & more
Prefer the lot? The sprout person's pack for €35 — save €10.
No plant is hard; some are just wrong for you. This paper matchmaking bureau turns the app-style quiz into a keepsake: five honest questions become a five-letter code, and the code walks you to your match — twelve houseplants written up as dating profiles, each honest about its one dealbreaker. Plus the four constraint gates, a compatibility chart, and a certificate of botanical matrimony.
- · 19-page PDF
- · Print-at-home
- · Personal licence
What's inside
- How the bureau works
- The intake form
- Read your code
- The profiles
- Arranged marriages
- The second-plant rule
- When the match fails
- The certificate of botanical matrimony + the pocket wallet card + your union register (cut-outs & write-in)
Who's behind this
I'm not a botanist, and I don't have 150 plants — I keep a windowsill's worth, and I've killed a few learning how (a Calathea in eleven days is how this whole thing started). When something goes wrong I go down the rabbit hole: the studies, the extension-horticulture pages, the 2am forum threads, and every horror story plant people send in on @leafjournal on TikTok. These guides are that mix — hands-on experience checked against the research, cleaned up and told straight. No lab, no sponsorships, no “trust me.” Just what actually keeps a plant alive, so yours isn't the one that learns it the hard way.
Best value
The sprout person's pack
Everything a first plant needs — and the red flags before you buy.
The beginner's ten · The unkillables · Plant red flags
€35€45
More lists
What's inside →
The cat person's plant list
Thirty plants your cat can audition for dinner — safely.
- · 18-page PDF
- · Print-at-home
- · Personal licence
€15
The dark room list
What actually survives a north-facing room — the honest buy list for the flat with one sad window.
- · 18-page PDF
- · Print-at-home
- · Personal licence
€15
More lists
See all →
Quick answers
How do I get the guide?
Right after payment you land on a download page, and the link also arrives in your inbox. It's a PDF — read it on your phone, tablet, or print it.
Do I need an account?
No. Your email address is all it takes — that's where the download goes.
What if it's not for me?
Email hello@leafjournal.app within 30 days and you get your money back. No forms, no questions. I'd rather refund you than have you own a guide you don't use.
If this guide doesn't help you, I'll refund it — email hello@leafjournal.app within 30 days and it's done.